Mixed feelings
by Miheam-SP
Summary: AU. Kate is going to marry Josh but 3 days before the wedding Castle tells her that he loves her. Would be around season 7, but Kate didn't remember the shooting and "Always" didn't happen. Also, he didn't break up with Josh. Terrible summary...


**Hi everyone! I got this idea while watching a Dior commercial and had to write it down. This is going to be a short fic (about three chapters or so). It is set on a parallel universe where Josh and Kate never broke up and she didn't remember anything about the shooting. **

**Again, sorry for my English (not my first language). Tell me if you find any mistakes so that I can improve! Hope you like it!**

* * *

She was getting married. In three days. She should be more excited. At least a little bit excited. But everything she felt was terror. And the certainty that she was making a mistake.

Damn you, Richard Castle. She would kill him for letting her know just a week before her wedding that he was in love with her. She was marrying another man. A wonderful, intelligent, intense and caring man. Though Josh was not the man she loved.

Richard Castle.

Annoying, smart-ass, self-centered man.

The man she had loved for seven years. The man that had followed her for six years and that had become her best friend. But then, just a week before her wedding with another man, Castle had told her "I_ love you, Kate. Don't make the mistake of marrying Josh. Leave him. For me._"

Shocked. Well, OK. Maybe she could have thought that he liked her. He wouldn't have stayed around her for so long if he didn't feel something for her. But, really? He had seven wonderful years to tell her that simple word. That eight-letter-phrase that would have changed everything. And he chose then.

Since that conversation she couldn't stop wondering, what if? What if she had ever told him her feelings? What if he had fought for her before? What if she left Josh three days before the wedding?

That wasn't an option.

Was it?

She was confused, and frustrated and completely mad at Castle. And at herself. Why had she continued with that nonsense relationship for a man that she no longer felt anything? Why had she said yes when he asked her to marry him? She thought about calling her dad. Tell him that she wanted to cancel the wedding. But he would be disappointed. He was so excited about her marriage... So she end up calling him. He had always been her lifeboat. The one who had taken care of her. Even when she didn't wanted that.

"Hey, Beckett. Are you OK?" he wasn't expecting her to call. She noticed that.

"Can we talk?"

"Sure. I'll be there in 20."

"No. Not my apartment. Meet me at the park with the swings?"

She thought that was their neutral spot. Where she felt safe and mostly connected to him.

"Sure. See you there."

She took her jacket and put her shoes on. She didn't even bother to wear make up. It wasn't going to be the first time he would see her in her natural state. Kate decided to walk. It wasn't far at all and that would give her time to think. She didn't want to get into the crowded subway. She needed to know want to tell Castle. Was it a good idea at all? It had to be right? At least let him know her mixed feelings. At least to make him understand why she was going to go on with the wedding thing.

* * *

He was already there when she arrived. He looked nervous and that made her feel better. She wasn't the only one that didn't had a clue of what to do. She sat on the swing beside the one he was sitting on.

"Hi" she greeted

"Hey there. What's up?"

"I just wanted to... I really need... OK listen. Wow. This is complicated. I came all the way down here thinking about what to tell you and how to tell you how I feel. But I really don't have a clue where to start".

"Why don't you try starting from the beginning. That's a good point" he gave her an encouraging smile. And she loved him more because of that.

"Do you remember around three years ago when you asked me to leave my mom's case? I nearly died and all I could think was that I wasn't going to see you again. All I really could think was that you had warned me and that I was destroying my life for nothing. Nothing that would really change anything. Finding Bracken, collaring him, was a relief, but it didn't bring my mom back. Anyway. That night I really knew that I loved you. But I was with Josh. And you were starting that thing with... Fiona? So it felt like a really bad time. And I chicken out. I decided not to risk my heart in case you broke it. Josh meant stability, and I was ready for that. But now... Now that I know how you feel... This should change things, but I keep thinking... Why haven't you told me this before? I've been engaged for nearly a year now. Why Castle? Why now?"

"I... I don't know. I guess i was afraid. You are not the only one risking your heart here, you know? I've followed you around for seven years now. Seven amazing years that have changed my life. But it has always been because of you. Just because of you, Kate. And now... Knowing that I am going to loose you. It terrifies me. I don't want to ask my self what if..."

"I... I don't know what to say." she felt her eyes full with tears and tried to swallow the nod she had inside her throat.

"Hey... please, don't cry." he stood up and pull her for a hug.

His embrace was comforting, his big hand stroking her back gently. And she let it go. All the fears, the terrible mistakes the uncertainty of her future. She cried like never before. And he just hugged her, not really knowing what to say. He kissed the top of her head lovingly and caress her nape until she recovered.

"This is so unfair" she whispered.

"It doesn't have to be. You deserve to be happy, Kate. We both deserve it."

"I... I can't Castle. Everything is ready. A lot of people is flying to come to the wedding. I cannot just say "Hey, I am not getting married"

"You could. If you love me, you could"

"Don't you dare imply that I don't love you enough." she moved away pissed of "I am trying to do the right thing. For my family. my dad. For Josh. But don't say that I don't love you"

"Please." he pulled her back into his arms and joined his forehead to hers. "Please, think about us, Kate. Don't make a mistake that you know you will regret. You still have three days to think about this. About how amazing we could be together. Please. Tell me you'll think about it"

He didn't let her answer. Instead he kissed her. Softly at the beginning, as giving her a chance to move away. But she didn't. Couldn't. Wouldn't. She put her arms around his neck and kissed him back. First time since their undercover kiss. First real kiss. She opened her mouth to him and sighed when he stepped back.

"Think about it, ok? I'll be right here. For you. Always."

Yes, she knew that. But she wasn't sure she was good for him. In fact, she didn't know if she was good enough for anyone.


End file.
